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My Mother Was the Best Father in the World
Some people say you never miss what you never had. I grew up without a father, and I have to take issue with the previous statement. There are many children growing up without a father and we hear their futures seem statistically dim. It doesn’t have to be this way.
I never wanted to be a statistic. While others may be filled with anger by the abandonment, my brother and I were taught to persevere in spite of it. I was told I had a lot going against me. I was black and overweight in a small town. But like many children I had a talent that was nurtured by a single mother who wasn’t jaded by her own abandonment…or at least didn’t show it in front of my brother and I. Perhaps my white mother felt our struggles were greater than her own, or that she took responsibility for the circumstances we didn’t choose. Regardless, pain and anger were replaced by hope and determination to buck the statistical odds and make a better life.
We were taught anger leads to fear and fear makes you weak and vulnerable…prone to fall for easy fixes, failure and addiction. We were taught that nothing ever comes easy; in fact, the more difficult the challenge the more satisfaction came along with it. We were taught to set our goals early, which made this Sikeston boy believe he could become Student Body President of his high school if he started campaigning in the sixth grade.
And I do miss my father, though I’ve never really known him. I miss what he could have taught me. Perhaps I could’ve been taught to manage my weight earlier and become a sports star like the rest of the men in my family. Perhaps I could’ve learned to be the father he never was, so when my children come along I won’t be winging it for lack of an example.
It saddens me to see so many children, of all nationalities, struggling with abandonment…the seething anger that seems to overwhelm so many. The loneliness and betrayal that consumes a household, and sometimes leads to all forms of abuse. We see the results in the news every single day, and while we can’t change the past, we have the God-given strength to alter the future.
Nurture your children’s dreams and calm their fears. Tell them you love them as much as possible. For the parents left to raise children alone, you are never truly alone with your children by your side. Instill in them that there are consequences to both action and inaction. And if your children believe in Luck, let them know that Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity. They must be ready when opportunity comes around. Don’t let society educate your children. The more they learn to articulate their concerns and goals, the sooner success will find them. Remember that children hear and repeat everything we say and repeat everything that we do. God blessed us with this one life and the lives of those dependent on us. And we must be responsible and make the most of it in order to limits regrets.
Neal E. Boyd
