Yesterday, we considered why people fail to forgive themselves for wrongdoing. Today, let’s look at seven questions to ask yourself when you struggle with self-condemnation.
1. Why should I continue to condemn myself when the Lord no longer condemns me?
2. Is my self-condemnation drawing me into a closer relationship with God, or is it driving me further from Him?
3. What good am I doing by refusing to forgive myself?
4. Does self-condemnation help or hurt my relationships with others?
5. Does my refusal to forgive myself impress God? Does He find me more devout because of my guilt and shame?
6. Is there any biblical basis for withholding self-forgiveness?
7. How long do I intend to condemn myself? What will be the end result?
Normally, the answers to these questions are obvious. However, if you’re in the throes of self-condemnation, the truth may seem hazy.
Often the only way to work through times of self-doubt and remorse is to focus on the basics of who God is and what He wants for your life. If you are struggling with an inability to forgive yourself, prayerfully consider the seven questions above. Read them aloud, and let them work through your spirit. You may even want to open a journal or take out a sheet of paper to record your thoughts as the Lord speaks to you. Don’t be surprised by some intense wrestling in your heart as you consider these points—and as God reorders your thoughts about yourself.
Every human being on earth has a sin problem. We all lose our temper, make mistakes, and do things that seem completely out of character. Sin is a universal problem, but the Lord has provided forgiveness for everyone who will accept it. And yet, many believers find it impossible to forgive themselves. Why?
First, we struggle with self-forgiveness at times because we find it difficult to accept God’s forgiveness. Guilt can be so strong that it may seem to overshadow the enormous gift of pardon and restoration that our Father has freely provided. We may think, What I’ve done is just too terrible. I doubt God could ever forgive me for this. That’s a tragic error.
Second, personal disappointment can prevent us from forgiving ourselves. We often have ridiculously high self-imposed standards for our behavior and achievements. When we fail to live up to them, we are all but crippled by disappointment, which can make self-forgiveness seem impossible.
Third, seeing the results of our sin can become an obstacle. That is, if our wrong actions produce a tangible negative consequence, we may become so blinded by the outcome that we can’t forgive ourselves. Seeing the aftermath of our sin day after day keeps guilt alive in our minds, and we may simply refuse to let it go.
Are you harboring guilt and remorse for a sin from your past? God’s forgiveness is available now (1 John 1:9). Christ gave His life to make you free. So do not willingly stay in chains because you’re unwilling to forgive yourself for what God has already pardoned (Galatians 5:1).
Recognizing that God is sovereign prompts some questions about the nature of prayer. Specifically, many people have asked me, “If the Lord is in control, why does He expect us to pray?”
Prayer brings us into cooperation with what God has purposed to accomplish. He desires to involve believers in the work He is doing both in the world and in their lives. But the word “work” is a tricky one when it comes to our faith. Unlike the striving we see in the world, what God desires is for us to trust Him (John 6:29), surrender our burdens to Him, grow in relationship with Him, and allow Him to work through us. Prayer is a tool we can use to do all those things.
Jesus asked the Father to protect the disciples by the power of His name (John 17:11 NIV). Did He think they might lose their salvation or drift from their commitment? Absolutely not. Jesus was God in human flesh. He knew exactly what was going to happen—how these men would spread the gospel and remain faithful even unto death. Jesus was taking part in the Father’s plan for His followers by interceding for them.
God certainly can build His kingdom without believers’ input or help. But a relationship develops depth and intimacy when the Lover and His beloved share an interest. Praying and working alongside our Lord strengthens our faith in His power.
The Lord created you to love Him and be loved by Him. Prayer nurtures and develops our connection with Him. Our Father calls us to communicate with Him so He can draw us close and involve us in building His kingdom.
Proverbs 3:13-26
Godly wisdom can be defined as the capacity to see things the way the Lord sees them and to respond according to His principles. One of the great benefits of this mindset is peace. Generally, when life’s running smoothly and all is well with us and our loved ones, we have no trouble experiencing contentment. But often when situations become difficult, God’s perspective eludes us, and our peace is rapidly replaced with stress, anxiety, and fear.
To view a difficult circumstance from the Lord’s perspective, we need to see it encompassed by the boundaries of His character and attributes. Even when the particulars of life are beyond our control, the One who rules the universe remains sovereign over all things—down to the smallest details. He loves us unconditionally and always works for our best interest. Therefore, if He has allowed a situation, there is a divine plan and reason, and the outcome will be for our good and His glory.
That wise perspective will lead to a godly response—complete confidence and trust in the Lord despite any pain or hardship. Because of the indwelling Spirit, we have the assurance that He is more than adequate for whatever comes our way, which means we are sufficient in Him.
When difficulty hits, don’t let sound wisdom vanish from your sight. Keep your eyes on the Lord. By seeing every situation through His eyes, you can rest in His wisdom and good purposes. Then stress will lift, anxiety will be replaced with peace, and confidence in the Lord will silence your fears.
Philippians 3:7-11
It is a tragedy that many people go through life without ever becoming acquainted with their Creator. To overlook that relationship is to miss the purpose for their existence and the greatest privilege available to mankind: knowing God. Even Christians can undervalue the honor of getting to know Christ more intimately.
Paul’s all-consuming passion to know God caused him to count everything else as worthless in comparison to that tremendous blessing. Though believers can accept Christ as their Savior, faithfully serve Him, and anticipate being with Him in heaven, many have no hunger to know Him right now. How can we be satisfied with simply being saved and have so little interest in the most gratifying relationship available to us? Pursuing Christ with passion requires sacrifice—spending time with the Lord, surrendering our will, and knowing Him through suffering. Although salvation is a free gift, intimacy with God is a costly process, but the rewards are invaluable and eternal.
Our culture floods us with distractions that can fill our minds and hearts, leaving us indifferent about developing a deeper relationship with Christ. Some people even substitute learning facts about the Lord for knowing Him relationally.
Find what is hindering your passion for God. Consider ways to carve out time each day to be alone with Him. As you go about your routine, seek His guidance and listen for His voice. You, too, will eventually count everything else as rubbish compared to knowing Christ.
