When conflict arises, we oftentimes want to rush in and defend our position. Perhaps we even feel justified in blaming others. However, James 1:19 gives different advice for dealing with tension and disputes: “Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.” In other words, more can be accomplished through a calm approach to the situation. Scripture also suggests that we ...
Pray. First, we should ask the Lord to guard our mouth and give us the right words to say (Luke 12:12). Also, we ought to request discernment with regard to the root issue and insight as to whether we might be at fault.
See with divine perspective. Our sovereign Lord works every situation for the believer’s benefit (Rom. 8:28). Not only does God use difficulties to teach us, but He also allows us to demonstrate the life of Christ by the way we respond.
Forgive. Even if someone has hurt us by causing the conflict, we should forgive. Jesus died to pardon all of our sin, and we, in turn, should forgive others. In fact, if we don’t, our lives will become burdened by resentment and broken relationships.
Respond. If we have done something wrong, we must apologize and ask forgiveness. We should express appreciation that the other person took time to share his concern. Then we ought to acknowledge his feelings and carefully consider his comments.
How do you respond to conflict? Pray for the strength to stay calm and do what is right—even during difficult, emotional situations.
Are you devoted to prayer? That’s a convicting question, isn’t it? Almost all of us recognize that our prayer life could use some improvement. Part of the problem is that we’re inundated with pressures and activities in this fast-paced world. As a result, prayer often becomes a quick sentence or two before rushing out the door, or it’s combined with some other activity in an effort to multitask.
However, lack of time isn’t an excuse for not sitting down quietly with the Lord to read His Word and talk with Him. The real problem is our priorities. We’re consumed with the urgent and have lost sight of what’s truly important. By neglecting prayer, we forfeit greater love for Christ, a deeper relationship with Him, and His power in our weakness.
But our lack of prayer also affects other people. When Paul told the Colossians to devote themselves to prayer, he requested that they include him and his ministry. As Christians, we have been given the responsibility and privilege of interceding for each other. This is one of the ways we contribute to God’s work in the world and display our love for fellow believers.
Knowing what’s at stake is a great motivation for faithful prayer. To make this a priority in your life, begin by setting aside a time and place to meet with the Lord each day. Then find scriptural passages about people praying, and model your requests, praises, and thanksgiving after these examples. Try keeping a written record of your requests and God’s answers, and you will see your faith strengthen, your love for Christ deepen, and your devotion to prayer increase.
There’s something within our human nature that resists being controlled by others. Although we may outwardly submit to authority, submissiveness may not reach into our hearts. Inwardly, we could very well be acting like a child who is being disciplined by a parent: outwardly obeying by sitting for time out, but thinking, I’m standing up on the inside!
This is the attitude that leads to the deeds of the flesh described by Paul in today’s passage. Although we have no power to control what others do or say, we have the Holy Spirit, who can govern how we respond. Too often we try to blame our responses on the behavior of someone else. We justify our actions by saying, “But he made me so mad!” In reality, we chose to be angry—justifiably or not.
Whenever someone hurts or frustrates us, we can decide whether to react in a godly or worldly fashion. No matter how much blame we attempt to offload onto others, the Lord is not misled by our maneuvering. He looks at the heart. Each of us is accountable to Him for both our attitudes and responses.
We may think the blame game makes us look better, but God is not fooled. Followers of Christ are called to sow peace and bear the spiritual fruit of love, joy, and kindness (Gal. 5:22-23). If we are clinging to blame, all that is growing are the emotional “weeds” separating us from God. The responses He desires are forgiveness when we are hurt and repentance when we have sinned against another person.
As children, we all played “the blame game.” If caught doing something wrong, we accused a sibling or friend in hopes of escaping discipline. This tactic seldom worked, because the one we accused was quick to give a different account. No one wins by shifting blame and refusing to take responsibility. Sadly, though, many people continue to play the blame game, even as adults.
Shifting responsibility isn’t new. It began in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve sinned. When God held them accountable for rebelling against Him, Adam claimed he ate the fruit because Eve gave it to him. She, in turn, accused the serpent, who had deceived her. Yet they both incriminated themselves with these words: “I ate” (Gen. 3:12-13). Blaming someone else didn’t alter the facts—they were each responsible for their choice and course of action.
So, if we know the futility of the blame game, why do we still play it? Do we think we can avoid the undesirable consequences? Is it an attempt to cause others to regard us more favorably? Sometimes it’s not even other people we blame but circumstances—the way we were raised or the way we were treated. Regardless of the cause, sin is never justifiable, and God always holds us accountable.
While it’s difficult to swallow our pride and admit that we are wrong, it’s always best to take full responsibility for our attitudes, responses, and behavior. That is the only way to walk humbly with the Lord, which pleases and honors Him.
The length of a relationship is not always an accurate gauge of intimacy. You can spend a lifetime with someone yet never really know him or her. What’s required for an intimate relationship is mutual willingness to open up and reveal ourselves.
This same truth applies to our relationship with God. For His part, the Lord already knows everything about us: our thoughts, desires, ways, values, and priorities. He has also provided everything necessary for us to truly know Him—through His Son. But are we responding to His self-revelation, or have we settled for superficial knowledge of Him?
The prophet Isaiah had his understanding of the Lord dramatically deepened when God suddenly revealed Himself “sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple” (Isa. 6:1). Isaiah’s mind was awestruck with the knowledge that He was in the presence of the majestic King. His ears resounded with cries of the seraphim calling out, “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord of hosts” (Isa. 6:3). Nothing was ever the same for Isaiah after that. He was willing to do anything God said to do—no matter where he had to go, no matter what the task involved. (See Isa. 6:8.)
Although it’s unlikely that we will ever have such a vivid vision of the Lord, we hold in our hands something no less authentic—the Word of God. If we’ll submerge ourselves in His Word, spending time focused solely on Him and absorbing the truths He reveals about Himself, our intimacy with Him will increase. The result will be a mind and spirit attuned to God’s voice, sensitivity to His continual presence, and unrestrained obedience
